Living in a Movie

What if I became like the girl from No Strings Attached? Who would want to be like that you might ask - someone who has been hurt. Then I think, maybe I already am like that. I tell myself every day that I don’t want to be in a relationship, that I don’t have time, that I don’t even know if I wanted to get married and I definitely don’t want to have kids. I know that I say those things because being hurt as badly as I once was, was one too many times. And it wasn’t even that bad. People have been hurt worse but I’m fragile. I was fragile and he knew that. He took advantage and now the way I view relationships is forever changed. But maybe that’s why I think I need that fairytale love story that only seems to happen in movies. Maybe it’s a good thing I’m this way because like in the movie, she ends up with the guy who fights for her. Because even though I don’t want to be in a relationship, somebody is going to want to be in one with me and will fight to change my mind because they know I’m worth being with. They’ll know that I will make a good girlfriend or wife and they’ll see past how I brush everyone off.

And of course, I joke about it everyday, say I’ll be everyone’s bridesmaid. And then I realize I’m going to be like the girl in 27 Dresses. I’ve obviously been watching too many movies but I’m not the only one who says it. The problem is that I don’t want to always be the bridesmaid. I want some day to be the bride. And I think part of having someone sweep me off my feet is knowing that I won’t settle. I won’t be taken advantage of again because I know what I deserve and what I want. Every girl should know what they want and be treated like they are someone’s world. Especially when that girl is going to treat her guy the same way.

I have never done anything to deserve what happened to me; at least I don’t think so. I’ve always been a good girlfriend but I trusted too easily. So in summary, I don’t say what I mean. I have a wall and I know I do. If I end up alone, then I end up alone. I’ll be okay alone; I’ll be okay with whatever life throws at me. But I don’t want to be. So every day I will wake up and remind myself that he’s out there somewhere and I don’t have to settle.