Well, at least what I would consider my life to be normal. Right now I feel like God is throwing a lot of curve balls my way and I don't know how to handle them. I've just shut down and it hurts that I can't do anything about it, I can't even pull myself out of it. I have no idea how to go about this. I just need something solid in my life to hold on too and I think the only thing I have right now is work. I haven't seen any of my friends but at least I have work. Sure, it's not my favorite job in the world and it's tiring and somedays are worse than others, but it's there. Everyday. Same job, same people, same tasks. Just something normal, something with a pattern.
Part of me is ready to go back to school because I'm bored out of my mind (besides work). I think way to much when I'm bored and I can't handle it anymore. The other part of me doesn't want to leave until my mom has a job and my dad is back to normal because I know I will worry about it every day I'm away. My sister yelled at me today about how we're not in the best financial situation. It was one of the most frustrating things because I have known that since my senior year of high school. And it's also something I hate talking about. My mom knows that. Her and I brush on the subject every now and then since high school but my sister is just now realizing this because she is in the same situation I was when I realized it. College is expensive. She's got some great schools she's looking into. She's smart, way smarter than I am, and her colleges are on the pricier side. I understand the stress she is going through and why she is taking it out on me because I did the same thing to her. It's just a lot harder with only one working parent who isn't really working at the moment and having an older sister in college.
That's another thing. Kasich and his whole taxes on higher education. I can't imagine not being in college. I love it. It's been the best year and a half of my life. I've learned so much from classes and experiences and grown so much. That experience is not something that should have a price tag on it, and yet, it does. And now it's looking at an even bigger price tag. I guess it comes down to, "Yes, I believe education is worth all the money in the world." However, "I can't afford an education worth all the money in the world."
And I love learning. I love my media classes. And my business classes - they are challenging and yes, they scare me for what the real world is like and where I will be in 3 years but they are necessary. The lessons I've learned and the people, the different views I get on everything, I love it. I wouldn't trade it for a million dollars. And I mean that.
I wonder what my life will be like in 3 years. Scary to think about and yet impossible not to face.
I just need a solid something in my life.
